We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
3pm strippers are depressing
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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