ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He has the fingertips of a God
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