As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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