So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize