I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
