dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
