I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
