i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
