It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
