I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I want her autograph on my taint
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Randomize
