i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
