The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
