i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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