I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
two words: eviction party
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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