When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
