remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
