I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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