And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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