I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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