TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
