I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
