i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
