Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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