Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
