This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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