We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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