put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Even my vagina gasped.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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