They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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