That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
