Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
