Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
