Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
