I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
