Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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