Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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