Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
