Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
