Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Is Oprah even human
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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