I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
