her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Randomize
