Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
