someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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