I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize