This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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