Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize
