Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
