I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
My cat gives me a boner
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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