Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
