hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
