So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
