I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I touched a dick in church today
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
