There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
