Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
