woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
