I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
