I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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