Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
