I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
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Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Found your dick twin last night
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
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My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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