not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
