It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
