Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
