I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
