I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
lol hangovers are for mortals.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
