john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
