I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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