And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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