Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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