I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
