The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
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ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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