note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize