ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
