WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
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There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
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So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol