We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
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He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
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I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.