My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just cropdusted the office
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."