He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
She has the best kind of daddy issues
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
