you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.