well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.