I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.