Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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