how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
