the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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