I'm so fucking centered right now
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
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Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
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I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I would fuck him just for his dog
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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