hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
