i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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