When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
