Texts From Last Night

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  (937): View more from Ohio

  fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed

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  (937): fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed http://tfl.nu/6ylq
  Replies (3) Good night (843) Bad night (946)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.

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  (604): I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary. http://tfl.nu/udpd
  Replies (7) Good night (3876) Bad night (623)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.

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  (519): You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night. http://tfl.nu/cmtj
  Replies (3) Good night (2302) Bad night (822)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"

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  (718): you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD" http://tfl.nu/zg6m
  Replies (29) Good night (1203) Bad night (4746)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war

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  (603): i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war http://tfl.nu/r6ab
  Replies (12) Good night (4181) Bad night (966)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?

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  (417): Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"? http://tfl.nu/n06e
  Replies (16) Good night (6855) Bad night (1492)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.

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  (312): Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season. http://tfl.nu/nsh1
  Replies (5) Good night (2746) Bad night (1257)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.

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  (812): Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk. http://tfl.nu/ok5q
  Replies (9) Good night (1324) Bad night (2375)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money

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  (403): Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money http://tfl.nu/gvry
  Replies (6) Good night (1750) Bad night (1132)
• Favorite

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party

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  (580): the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party http://tfl.nu/1oc7
  Replies (3) Good night (927) Bad night (522)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.

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  (817): Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it. http://tfl.nu/xes0
  Replies (9) Good night (1248) Bad night (679)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?

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  (954): I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it? http://tfl.nu/xt0t
  Replies (1) Good night (907) Bad night (557)
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.

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  (940): Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them. http://tfl.nu/2war
  Replies (13) Good night (708) Bad night (1264)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.

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  (804): the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots. http://tfl.nu/qdeq
  Replies (1) Good night (787) Bad night (520)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.

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  (210): Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE. http://tfl.nu/t6ru
  Replies (9) Good night (1232) Bad night (419)

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