She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
