He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"