I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
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Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
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I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.