Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.