I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.