Texts From Last Night

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  (516): View more from New York

  If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.

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  (516): If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals. http://tfl.nu/q4jm
  Replies (9) Good night (865) Bad night (1390)
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  (347): View more from New York

  We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job

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  (347): We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job http://tfl.nu/wtkj
  Replies (18) Good night (703) Bad night (4367)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?

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  (702): shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant? http://tfl.nu/i5gg
  Replies (8) Good night (543) Bad night (2786)
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  (516): View more from New York

  this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore

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  (516): this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore http://tfl.nu/7h30
  Replies (27) Good night (2228) Bad night (977)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt

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  (253): Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt http://tfl.nu/m43s
  Replies (32) Good night (1101) Bad night (5614)
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  (408): View more from California

  um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.

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  (408): um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend. http://tfl.nu/849c
  Replies (48) Good night (5853) Bad night (890)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.

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  (617): he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home. http://tfl.nu/gpi6
  Replies (32) Good night (8338) Bad night (1389)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me

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  (970): I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me http://tfl.nu/ieav
  Replies (10) Good night (4988) Bad night (846)
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  (226): View more from Ontario

  Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again

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  (226): Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again http://tfl.nu/v9b0
  Replies (5) Good night (1831) Bad night (3192)
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  (619): View more from California

  He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.

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  (619): He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated. http://tfl.nu/4d8a
  Replies (6) Good night (2497) Bad night (1113)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution

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  (713): It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution http://tfl.nu/g3ws
  Replies (8) Good night (871) Bad night (759)
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye

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  (763): Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye http://tfl.nu/6gyi
  Replies (10) Good night (759) Bad night (1052)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head

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  (703): His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head http://tfl.nu/cxta
  Replies (10) Good night (540) Bad night (1338)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time

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  (410): I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time http://tfl.nu/zqpv
  Replies (0) Good night (248) Bad night (510)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  No this is saxophone Chris

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  (804): Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris? (215): No this is saxophone Chris http://tfl.nu/wuq2
  Replies (10) Good night (1228) Bad night (284)

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