Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You should frame my arrest warrant.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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