If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize