If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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