quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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