You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
