He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
