really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Randomize
