She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
