Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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