Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
