Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
